Thoughts on Fifty Shades of Grey

Did I read the book? Yes, I did. All of the 3 sequels? No, I didn’t.

Fifty Shades of Gray by E.L. James

When my friend Shernan shared the e-book series sometime in 2014, I was excited. I thought it was another Harold Robbins kind of novel. He is controversial due to excessive graphic sexuality on his novels but his novels are worth a read.

After book 1, my excitement dipped to almost 2 out of 10. It had a typical plot. Struggling girl meets hotsy pantsy millionaire with lots of money to burn he can buy an island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. They felt this incredible attraction and the rest is history until one day she found out he has this psychological imbalance. His house contained lots of secret rooms and he has this Red Room (he personally named) where he keeps an arsenal of whips, etc. The girl was toured around the house, was given a document or rather a contract, an ultimatum was set, signs where given. She was ready to run but because she was madly in love and has this distorted idea of ‘maybe I can make him better, help him be cured’ swirling in her mind she agreed.

That’s where I dropped the book. I could not remember the sequence of events but I could still remember the disgust I felt. I have almost read all kinds of book sand somehow Fifty Shades of Grey didn’t pass my internal meter. Read my (Goodreads of 2014)

After almost a year, the movie is hot on the big screen. The book being talked about by women.

*****

I heard some friends and people at work talked about it with hush-hush and giggly tones. The book and the movie had become so popular with women. My newsfeed is being bombarded with friends liking everything relating to the movie.

Why this obsession?

Because it reflects one of women’s secret fantasies. To have their boyfriend or husband be obsessive about them. Have a “Red Room” of their own which the idea itself spells adventure that brings up the tingly sensation on a woman’s spine. The kind that sexual adventure brings.

But there are a lot of ways to have an emotional, healthy and balanced relationship. A lot of ways to revive spiralling relationships. I feel it can all starts within ourselves, it is by slowly changing our mindsets, correcting our attitudes and communication with the men in our lives that this can be achieved.

If you need help in improving your married life or relationship, look where the problem is coming from and start from there. Read self-help programs online or if shove comes to a push, seek the advise of a marriage councelor.

Who wants a man with an unhinged bolt in his head beside you in bed? Or in the Filipino parlance may pagkatililing. Who wants a a psycho holding your face for a kiss? Or wants to tie you on the bed post for his sexual gratification?

No woman deserves that even in the name of love.

As a woman, there has to be a certain line to be drawn when it comes to that part of a relationship.

Growing up being a Filipina and an Ifugao in an ethnic culture that believes women are to be treasured and respected, the idea could be goosebumps inducing, even disgusting.

I am old enough to accept and know that maybe some women can do this and enjoy it. Yet, I feel it lowers women’s self esteem and personal growth. It demeans women.

My friends told me that in book 3, the guy recieved treatment for his psychological imbalance. As a high value woman, we deserve an emotionally balanced man before a relationship and not after.

I for one wants a man who wouldn’t rest until I am happy, maybe accept his slightly twisted personality but certainly not tied on a post with a whip on his hand.#

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